It's so confusing.
We didn't get in.
a g a i n
It was so /weird/. What was going on?
We left the first aid supplies unattended while we followed the sir. And when I turned around again, they were gone.
At that point of time, I panicked. Everything was a blank. The next thing I knew, Simone was in front of me and she was asking me for bandages. The only thing I could say was "we don't have them".
I remember the look on all our faces, it was pure disappointment, shock and horror. The juniors did everything. I didn't know when to start CPR at all, in the end Elmaine stepped in and did it. We didn't have anything except some gauze, micropore tape and a few poles.
I know that we improved drastically. I know that if the 2011 team faced this, we would be at a loss. I know that we finished evacuation and treated everything as well as we could, and that the pole as a splint was an ingenious idea. But still it wasn't enough.
I will never be good enough.
When Y and S called me to tell me the news, they were so understanding. Through their tears, they told me not to blame myself, that it was nobody's fault. They gave us all the info they could, risking themselves, and what did we give them in return? Nothing but heartbreak.
They said that our team spirit was admirable. After the two whistle blows, we huddled together and we were the last to leave the grounds. We can do it next year can't we?
But it's always one mistake, one fatal mistake that costs us everything. And when we walked away, I couldn't hide my tears from them.
I'm so sorry, everyone. I'm not deserving of that red coloured band. Don't try to tell me it isn't my fault, because somehow or another it surely is.
I'm such a failure.
I'm sorry.

I suddenly remembered fdc. And I remember how umairah cried like mad. And I found myself thinking "please don't let us be like that".
There's a math TA tomorrow that I 100% confirm will fail.
3 days tired scared

The thoughts are starting to haunt me again.
The blood.
Tasukete.

I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I'd never let you go
When all the shadows almost killed your light
I remember you said don't leave me alone
But all that's dead is gone and past tonight
Tonight

We believe / In this love

So tired. So tired I want to collapse and never get up again.
9 days.
I'm so tired. And so scared.
I shouldn't be.
I have to hold on.