I feel like such a failure.
I've failed as a daughter, as a junior, as a student, as a person, and now as a ma'am.
We got scolded like crap yesterday. It was really a wake up call. But the question is, how are we going to change?
I've worked so fucking hard for this position, and when I finally get it, I don't even put in a single cent's worth of effort in it. I just do things for the sake of doing them.
I want to be respected. I have to earn that respect. Years down the road, I want to be remembered, not forgotten.
Can I?
Oh, by the way, happy new year's eve. 2011's going to be over. I can only hope that 2012 will be better.
I'm so sick and tired of all this, it just fills me with dread all over again.
Haven't felt so low in a long time. Sometimes I can't see where I'm going anymore.
Oh, and homework. But then again who the hell reads this blog
Dear juniors, hopefully one day you'll see this. Right now, I'm juggling FAC, DM, and the duty lists. Now I have to freaking dance for y'all. I don't know, I can handle it, definitely, but it's tiring you know? And I'm scared again. FAC; o's next year, DM. And of losing her. But you guys don't know, right? You guys don't know half of what's going on, and it'll stay that way. I want this to end quickly. I want to sleep. I'm so tired. Why am I crying? I don't even know. But I know I promised her I wouldn't cry any more, so I'll wipe my tears. I don't keep all my promises, but some I will.
Oh well. The neighbours will think in crazy, dancing in the middle of the night. But who gives a fuck?
Goodnight.
What am I doing? I've lost track of FAC. My homework is barely touched, MFW cards are gonna be overdue. I can't remember what we've did for each training. I can't remember the pain of losing. I can't remember how each training felt like. I go to each training dreading it. What am I going to do? The leader is supposed to be the strongest, but I'm fucking not. If the team falls, it's going to be my fault.
Am I losing touch with you? Lately it doesn't seem like we're on the same page anymore. Any upset i feel, I say only here. I hide. Is it right to hide from even you?
You are my prince. Please let the happy ending happen.
Tasukete, I'm starting to get lost again.
I swear I get hurt at the littlest things.
Hate it.
