is getting up in the middle of the night to eat rice considered crazy?
cause I think I am.
idk I just don't like to eat infront of them when I'm pissed
idek mum just dao-ed me the whole evening am I supposed to be happy or
I just hope she didn't call school or her or something.
kami give me strength.
kami give me strength to survive this night.
"ich werde siegen"
why am I so lazy.
I don't wanna flunk again.
but I can't seem to have the motivation.
adfkmejxiekdmcm
ugh fuck this, I'm sick :/
“
You know, that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and that person. And you realize that that person is the only person that you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this gift. And you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time.”
I want to die. just kill me.
fuck this fuck this fuck this why can't you just leave me alone and let me be fucking happy is this even what happy means idek anymore k urgh asdfghjkl what the actual fuck man fuck fuck FUCK THIS ACTUAL SHIT what la srsly just fuck.
ankle's acting up again. should I get a long term mc?
my ice-cream hasn't set oh no ):
it's ok. I feel like crap, but that doesn't matter because I don't matter anymore. just pour out your sorrows to me, and I'll nod and hem and haw when I actually don't know what to say because all I can think of is this pain that's eating me out from the inside.
it makes me sick.
well, I don't rly care about myself anymore.
I can smell you on me. I can taste you on the inside of my lips. I can feel your hands run over my skin. i miss you. I miss you. I miss you.
I'm so sorry.
I'm going to cut myself, and I'm going to make myself bleed, and then I'm going to hate myself when I realise I'm too fucking scared to actually do it.
Woah, so who's the fucking leader now?
ankle hurts like crazy fuck.
today was horrible.
they were horrible.
I was horrible.
guilt guilt guilt
how am I going to /choose/?
I love my sqmates. like, really.
I was speechless. didn't know what to say. ugh asdfghjkl
sigh.
everything is slipping through my fingers.
what kind of hofa am I when i can't even save the people I love?
so sleepy. slept all the way through math and chinese today. it's a wonder teachers didn't wake me up lolol.
last night I tried, but I couldn't. too afraid, I guess. this is what I hate about myself.
fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck youuuuuu
I'm losing faith every day. I wonder if one day I'll just wear myself out and then I'll have nothing left.
parents, gimme a break, will you.
I've chosen the people for fac, more or less. I hope I haven't made the wrong choice.
well sayonara
“
Did you have one of those days today, like a nail in the foot? Did the pterodactyl corpse dropped by the ghost of your mother from the spectral Hindenburg forever circling the Earth come smashing through the lid of your glass coffin? Did the New York strip steak you attacked at dinner suddenly show a mouth filled with needle-sharp teeth, and did it snap off the end of your fork, the last solid-gold fork from the set Anastasia pressed into your hands as they took her away to be shot? Is the slab under your apartment building moaning that it cannot stand the weight on its back a moment longer, and is the building stretching and creaking? Did a good friend betray you today, or did that good friend merely keep silent and fail to come to your aid? Are you holding the razor at your throat this very instant? Take heart, comfort is at hand. This is the hour that stretches. Djan karet. We are the cavalry. We’re here. Put away the pills. We’ll get you through this bloody night. Next time, it’ll be your turn to help us.”
- Harlan Ellison
once again I wonder what is the point of life.
Seriously, I wish I was brave enough to make myself bleed.
or something.
That's why I hate myself, I guess
too cowardly
too inefficient
too lazy
too
scared.
I don't even know where to start..?
and honestly, after the 3rd of september, everyone's been heaping their hopes on me. wanting me to promise i'll win this. but i can't, i just can't, I just don't have the hope or faith, I can't see anything but tears ahead of me.
"a leader is a dealer in hope".
can I?
I wish all these thoughts would just leave me in peace for a moment.
I want it to last forever, but nothing lasts forever, right?
I don't want to lose her.
well goodnight I guess I've been wasting too much time on tumblr.
I need to get my list done.
(p.s. I figured out how to post from flickr hohoho)
konbanwa.
but this is just me, myself and I.
